


Omake: Fistful of Shovels

by Surefall



Series: The Write and Post Adventures [7]
Category: Cable and Deadpool, Deadpool (Comics), Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types, X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: M/M, Nathan Summers is a Good Bro, Nathan Summers is a Manipulative Shit, Wade Wilson is a Good Bro, rated for language, rated for mature themes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-11
Updated: 2019-12-11
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:20:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 17,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21752887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Surefall/pseuds/Surefall
Summary: Deleted chapters, never seen chapters, extras, and fragments edited out ofFistful of Shovels.Highlights include deleted Chapter 9, Aunt May and Peter talking post break up, and Nathan doing absolutely anything to win.
Relationships: Nathan Summers & Wade Wilson, Nathan Summers/Wade Wilson, Peter Parker/Wade Wilson
Series: The Write and Post Adventures [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/696846
Comments: 15
Kudos: 63





	1. Standards Are Slipping Everywhere

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where our story began ...

"Oh, no, Nate is gay. The gayest super soldier stud muffin of all time. So, so gay."

"Nah, I'm straight," Wade said with a sniff.

"Wade," Peter said slowly, "we're dating. _You_ are gay."

"We're fucking," Wade corrected as he turned a page in the cook book. "You've got a great ass, I like sex, and you're Spider-Man. I mean, I would have to be crazy to turn down Spider-Man." He paused, "Hmmm. I _am_ crazy, so suddenly this is a quandary. Huh." Wade stared thoughtfully into the air.

Peter loved Wade. Really, he DID ... but he could be the most infuriating human being on the planet and he constantly picked fights with Peter. Like right now, where he was just sitting there and taking pot shots at their relationship, as though it wasn't anything special.

"Wade, you are sleeping with a man. That is the definition of gay."

"Excuse you. Who are you to tell me what my orientation is? I like women. I like women 100% more than men. Because breasts are basically amazing. Women, however, apparently have _standards_ , unlike some men in this room. Honestly, Spidey, have more self respect."

* * *

_For more than a year, what you see above was all there was to **Shovels**. Just a random scrap of conversation that had nothing to do with shovel talks at all. D: _

_A year ago, I sat down to struggle with **Archipelago** and **Shovels** flowed out of me in a torrent instead. Despite being the beginning, this scrap never quite fit in properly. I attempted to fit it into the end of [Chapter 5](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20225035/chapters/48827480) (see below), but eventually deleted for the actual end of Chapter 5._

* * *

"So Cable plays for both sides?" Peter finally asked.

"Oh, no, Nate is gay. The gayest super soldier stud muffin of all time. So, so gay."

Peter couldn't reconcile that bizarre statement with the fact that Nathan had a wife. A wife he had been faithful to, no less. Not to mention all the _other_ women that Peter knew he had slept with. He tabled that craziness as Wade craziness and powered on, " ... why haven't you two hooked up?"

"Because I'm straight," Wade said with a sniff.

"Wade," Peter said slowly, "we're dating. _You_ are gay."

"We're fucking," Wade corrected as he turned a page of a cook book. "You've got a great ass, I like sex, and you're Spider-Man. I mean, I would have to be crazy to turn down Spider-Man." He paused, "Hmmm. I _am_ crazy, so suddenly this is a quandary. Huh." Wade stared thoughtfully into the air.

Peter loved Wade. Really, he _did_ ... but he could be the most infuriating human being on the planet and he constantly picked fights with Peter. Like right now, where he was just sitting there and taking pot shots at their relationship, as though it wasn't anything special.

"Wade, you are sleeping with a man. That is the definition of gay."

"Excuse you. Who are you to tell me what my orientation is? I like women. I like women 100% more than men. Because breasts are basically amazing. Women, however, apparently have _standards_ , unlike some men in this room. Honestly, Spidey, have more self respect."

"I can not believe you," Peter huffed, "You slept with _Bullseye_!"

"That's because I have no standards," Wade sniffed, "Obviously."

"You slept with Taskmaster!!"

"Have you seen that man?" Wade fanned himself with a hand, "Unf. Also, Tasky is the best. Almost kinda but not really my best friend ... beside Weasel and Nathan of course."

"Have you slept with Cable?" Peter asked, burying his face in his hands.

"I'm been physically merged with Nate on the molecular level, jumped through a dozen dimensions to find his baby self to bring him home, his brain plays footsy with my brain, and I've seen him naked at a dozen really annoying times," Wade rolled his eyes, "Of course I haven't slept with him, Spidey. We're besties."

"I am going home right now before I punch you in the face."


	2. Fragments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fragments edited from Chapters 1-6.

**Chapter 1**

"This is a social visit?" Peter asked, baffled. As far he knew, no one except Peter and the takeout delivery people ever visited Wade's apartment.

"You hear how my boyfriend stabs me in the heart?" Wade asked Nathan. 

...  
...  
...

"All that time traveling and you can't managed to come back in time for poker night at Hayden's," Wade complained.

"Hayden's?" Peter wasn't familiar with the name.

"I'm not your personal bluff machine," Nathan replied mildly, "and Taskmaster gets jealous when Sandi sits with me."

"Forget Tasky! _I_ get jealous when Sandi sits with you! Why do you always steal all the ladies, you jerk?!"

Nathan's lips quirked up in a smug little smile, "Why are you worried about the ladies, Wade? Aren't you interested in men?"

"Hello! Boobs!"

...  
...  
...

"You can't be all that important to him if I've never heard him mention you."

"Never mentioned or were you just not paying attention?"

The brief pause before Spider-Man responded was telling. 

"Wade's my friend. My very best friend and I care deeply about his happiness," Nathan continued, inexorable as thunder, "But beyond friendship, he's my blood brother. As close to me as family. His happiness is always going to be my business. So if you _ever_ hurt him, I will -- "

...  
...  
...

"Isn't Inez having a birthday soon?"

"Oh my god, yes, she is. I'm forbidden from planning anything. Neena's planning something! Isn't she? ISN'T SHE!?!"

...  
...  
...

"What I want to know is if you've been kissing _him_ with your mouth," Peter snapped back, annoyed.

Wade's grin faded, "What."

"Feeding him? Movie night? Hugs?!"

Wade's face closed off and he yanked at the apron ties, jerking the fabric over his head, "Wow. So a friend comes over and wants to spend time with me because they're my _friend_ and your first fucking thought is that I'm fucking them. Just because ... what? You think I'm so desperate to fuck someone I'll crawl into anyone's bed?"

"He threatened my life!"

Wade gave him an incredulous look, "This is Nathan fucking Summers, everyone favorite GI Jesus, who gives everyone second chances -- including _me_ \-- and ran a hippy commune. A hippy commune, Spidey. There was _basket weaving_. I helped paint a wall."

"I can see you've been scarred for life by it," Peter snapped, annoyed, "Just because he's a 'hero' doesn't mean he didn't just threaten me if I ever hurt you."

Wade blinked, "He did?"

"Argh! Yes!"

Wade grinned, a soppy thing, "He gave you a shovel talk. Awww, that's so sweet."

Peter groaned, "No, it's not sweet! It's not sweet at all!"

"That is just ... that's _awesome_ ," Wade sighed happily.

"He still _threatened_ me. Hello!"

Wade rolled his eyes, "And yet ... you're still alive. Shocking. Whatever will you do."

**Chapter 2**

"What are you doing?"

"Getting good at Mario Kart so I can kick Nate's ass back to the future," Wade answered, distracted. Yellow Peach fell off the Rainbow Road and Wade cursed.

**Chapter 3**

"What were you looking for before?" Nathan's question broke Peter's train of thought.

"Oh, Wade's phone."

"Why?"

"His mom called me."

"His mom?" Nathan's confusion made Peter feel extremely smug. That's right, Peter knew Wade had a mom. Take that, so called best friend! "His mom is dead."

Now Peter was confused, and feeling decidedly less smug, "Well, someone who _sounded_ like his mom called me."

"Oh, that must be Blind Al," Nathan said finally after a moment of thought, "I suppose she is like his foster mom."

**Chapter 4**

That made her as legitimate as an Avenger and even more legitimate than Cable. Cable was allied with the X-Men, but not formally one of them … probably so they could disavow him at any time.

...  
...  
...

"A girl's busy, yanno? I can't just call on a single man like Cable can."

"What is this? Victorian times?"

"That's not important," she charged on, ignoring Peter's yelp of indignation 'don't just ignore things you don't like!' 

...  
...  
...

"Why's he calling a hussy like you, anyway," Peter shot back snottily, "when he can just talk to me instead?" 

"I'm his friend!"

...  
...  
...

"I've met you, what? Once? _We_ 're not friends and I don't want you knowing my business!" Peter snapped.

"You've got your own friends, jerk! _I'm_ Wade's friend!"

...  
...  
...

"Well, maybe he doesn't love me," Peter shot back snottily.

For a split second, Siryn's anger wavered, before she tossed her hair and glared, "Then why would he be keepin' your secrets then?"

...  
...  
...

"What language was that just now?"

"It's the language I grew up with," Nathan answered.

Peter looked between them blankly.

Wade shrugged, rubbing the back of his neck, "It'll be useful at some point, right?" He turned abruptly back to the cutting board. If Peter didn't know better, he would have said that Wade was embarrassed. "Besides, I wouldn't want Nate to be lonely if no one can speak his mother tongue. Everyone else has someone that talks the way they do."

Peter cut a glance sideways at Nathan just in time to catch the tender soppiness that crossed his face when he looked at Wade: an intensity of hunger, or loneliness, that exceeded mere friendship.

**Chapter 5**

"Or retarded?" Bullseye narrowed his eyes at Peter. "Are you retarded?"

"One too many hits to the head would do that to someone," X-Guy grinned, "This guy definitely gets hit plenty."

"Only the mentally ill would roam the streets fighting crime in a skin tight onesie," Bullseye said, gesturing with his knife, "The boy obviously isn't right in the head."

The silence that swept across the roof was telling. 

"What?" Bullseye demanded.

"Pot, kettle."

**Chapter 6**

"And Wade was your country's enforcer," Peter said blankly.

"Oh no, Wade is _Nathan_ 's enforcer."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel it's obvious why most of these got cut.


	3. Blow Jobs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fragments cut from Chapter 7.

"So you admit that your bathroom is _not_ clean?" Nate was sly beyond sly.

"Excuse you, that room is a paragon! I've kept it just the way I got it."

...  
...  
...

"One whiff of that moldy cheeto was enough to get my engine running."

"Please, stop."

...  
...  
...

"Stop biting my fingers," Wade said mildly, stroking his fingers across Nathan's skin.

"You can feel that?" Nathan asked in surprise, letting his cautionary shielding drop.

"It's prickly," Wade replied, content as he stroked actual skin.

...  
...  
...

This was the moment that always sent a shiver down Wade's spine and blood rushing to his dick. This moment of trust, where a flick of his wrist could open Nate's throat and all Nate did was wait, languid and trusting, as if he wasn't letting Wade -- unstable, armed and dangerous Wade -- so close to him when he was vulnerable. 

The hands on his hips slid downward to cup his ass, kneading lazily as they pulled him closer, pulled Wade flush against him, pressing Wade's trust boner against the firm plane of Nate's stomach. Wade swayed with the movement, putting a hand against the couch beside Nate's head to brace himself and keep the knife from moving. He only ever wanted to cut Nate on purpose, never by accident. 

There was something hard beneath his ass and when Wade ground down experimentally, Nate's eyes dilated as they fluttered briefly closed. Wade swallowed against the surge of desire. Nate couldn't even see him anymore, couldn't stop him with a thought if Wade proved untrustworthy, couldn't hear his intent if Wade should change his mind.

That was the sort of thing that could go to a man's head or his other head. For Wade, it was definitely both heads at once. 

For a moment, Wade just had to breathe, pressing down on desire. This was his and he could _take_ it. He could just reach out and possess it as easily as Nate could reach out and possess him. They hadn't but they could. Except the last thing that he wanted to do was prove Spidey's crazy suspicions right. 

"Gonna keep me waiting forever, handsome?"

Wade gave a shaky huff, rubbing his thumb between Nathan's brows, smoothing the crease that liked to form there. 

...  
...  
...

"Because I don't deser -- " Nathan abruptly stopped, realizing that he was already saying far too much.

"And why is that?"

Nathan looked away, unable to handle Wade's suddenly piercing gaze.

"Nate?" Wade's hand cupping the side of his face was warm and rippled and Nathan pressed against it, letting Wade turn him back as he closed his eyes instead. "Just tell me what's hurting you and I'll kill it."

The unconditional murderous support makes Nathan laugh, a hurt muted laugh, and he shook his head, "You already will. We both will but it doesn't matter."

Wade presses close, arms winding around his head, closing him off from the rest of the world, putting them forehead to forehead, "Future you and me will sort it out." It's soft and quiet and assured and protected here, and Nathan can't just let go no matter how much he wants to. 

"It doesn't matter what we do. I can't _change it_." If he tells Wade, he'll break his heart.

"Try again."

"I _tried_. No matter how many times I go, it ends up the same way. It's _fixed_."

...  
...  
...

"I missed you."

"You wouldn't have to miss me if you took me with you."

"As long as you're here, I can find my way back. I always do."

Wade made a face. Being Nate's anchor was important, but he didn't much care about anyone else. He cared bout Nate.

"If I'm with you, it's always the right place," he muttered. 

...  
...  
...

"I could help," Wade said pointedly.

"You are helping," Nathan said quietly.

"I can be even more help if I was actually with you instead of stuck here all the time."

"If you come with me, how are we going to find out way back here?"

Wade made a face, "I not all that attached to here."

Nathan sighed, "Once we're unmoored, we might never be able to return. I'm also not sure if removing you will destabilize this whole timeline." 

"Pretty sure I'm not that important to the timestream," Wade rolled his eyes.

"I wouldn't be so sure about that," Nathan frowned at him, "There aren't a lot of you, but all your realities are very stable. When you're not there, they aren't."

"Correlation is not causation."

"I don't want to try to prove the theory with _you_ ," he said firmly. He hesitated and then finally added, "And there's something that you're going to do sometime in the nearish future that I want you to still do."

Wade leaned back on Nathan's thighs, tipping his head.

"If you don't do it, I think I might not be the same afterward," if Nathan thought about it too hard, it troubled him. Those events had happened to him and they had shaped him he thought for the better in the long run since it had helped him recognize the value of _here_ , but if those events never came to pass, would they damage him?

"That's " Wade leaned in with a smile, pressing their forward together as they breathed, "surprisingly selfish and self preserving of you. Want a blow job?"

The sudden offer made Nathan choke, "What?"

"If I reward you for not throwing yourself on the altar of self sacrifice, then maybe you'll think twice about doing it next time."

Nathan growled low in this throat as Wade grinned and slid a hand down his chest and right down his pants to grab his dick, roughly unbuckling his pants with the other hand. 

Nathan yelped, "Hey! Boyfriend!" He grabbed Wade's wrists as Wade succeeded in pulling his thoroughly traitorous member free. It slapped stiffly against his stomach, tall and proud and entirely interested in Wade's offer.

Wade grinned wickedly at him in triumph, before looking down and licking his lips. Nathan's dick twitched. "He'll understand that I'm doing this to save a life."

"Pretty sure he's not going to understAND!" Wade slid off his lap, ignoring his captured wrists as unnecessary to the proceedings, and bent over to swallow Nathan to the root. "Fuck! Wade! Off!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 7 just wanted to run right into Cablepool. I eventually took the blow job part and made it into Chapter 9.


	4. Fuck Time Travel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time travel, the monologue.

**Chapter 8**

"There used to be a lot of them, but something happened that killed most of them off. The ones that remain are refractors. They reflect wave forms in exponentially more complicated degrees when exposed to temporal ripples. Basically, if Wade moves through time or dimensions, he would cause a time storm and would collapse every effected reality."

**Chapter 9**

"I really have missed you."

"You wouldn't have to miss me if you took me with you."

"You know why I don't."

"I could help," Wade said pointedly.

"You are helping," Nathan said quietly.

"I can be even more help if I was actually with you instead of stuck here all the time."

"If you come with me, how are we going to find out way back here?" 

There was also the very real problem of stability. The power necessary to subvert the flow of time punched holes through dimensional walls: an exiting hole and an entry hole. Punching holes into time destabilized realities. If the reality was fragile enough, the exiting hole would shatter it, destroying the traveler and the time stream they were a part of. The burst of destruction tended to destabilize adjacent realities, often to the point of spontaneous destabilization. One broken reality was a domino that toppled other realities.

The more times you traveled, punching holes into a time period, the more damaged that time became. If you traveled, you usually had _one chance_. If you would risk it, you had better be willing to gamble _everything_ on the roll of the dice.

Exit was also significantly easier than reentry. The exit hole _was a hole_ in the flow of time. One could return to it and slide back into the proper place ... but where was the reentry point in the past? Realities tangled together, branching and splitting and snarling. From the outside, it was a tangled ball of yarn, metaphorically speaking.

This was the fundamental problem of time travel. It wasn't traveling, it was reaching _the right place_. Big differences were obvious, like who was the president of a major nation or whether or not Spider-Man was a man or if mutations even existed ... but the small differences, those were impossible to determine. Had Scott Summers picked the red cup or the blue cup this morning? Did Steve Rogers turn left down this street or right? However, even small changes could cause a different future that Nathan could step into and never know it wasn't his own.

Following someone who had already punched the holes was easy. The damage was already done. A few more trips through the same hole didn't matter.

All of this was why it was not considered a good idea to exit and reenter, to _physically_ time travel. It was significantly safer to send one's conscious backwards to a previous point in time and overwrite your younger self. You were changed, but the very fabric of reality wasn't. 

Then there was Wade. Rare, precious, valuable, wonderful Wade. 

The reality that Wade was a part of was torn to shreds. Holes beyond holes had torn the fabric of this time asunder and though it flapped like a ragged cloth, it _held_. The entire time stream, forward and back, was jagged with damage from foolish, _idiot_ , _ignorant_ travelers larking through time like it was a fair they could jaunt off to on the weekend.

Yet it held. 

Every reality with a Wade held.

They were rare as phoenix feathers, rare as clear water on the moon, rare as celibacy on Wolverine.

A million dimensions, and only one of them would have a Wade. Whatever magic made a reality rock stable generated some kind of Wade.

Nathan didn't dare to move him. If he left, what would become of this place? 

Wade made a face, "I not all that attached to here."

Nathan sighed, "Once we're unmoored, we might never be able to return. I'm also not sure if removing you will destabilize this whole timeline." 

"Pretty sure I'm not that important to the timestream," Wade rolled his eyes.

"I wouldn't be so sure about that," Nathan frowned at him, "There aren't a lot of you, but all your realities are very stable. When you're not there, they aren't."

"Correlation is not causation."

"I don't want to try to prove the theory with _you_ ," he said firmly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Scott's chapter started the time travel fire. 
> 
> Originally the reason was simple: The _Deadpool Kills_ trilogy is why there are so few Wades. Wade knew this, but no one else did. Thus, everyone made assumptions that were grander than reality.
> 
> Once they got talking about time travel, I started putting real thought into why there are so few Wades and then why Wade didn't travel. I ended up with a lot of internal contradictions.
> 
> Eventually, I decided that _none of this matters to the story_. It was irrelevant. So I cut all this. Let everyone spout random contradictory theories because no one really knows and no one needs to explain it anyway. Peter doesn't care about time travel theory! So I don't either!


	5. Dawning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The original version of deleted Chapter 9.

There was nothing special about that moment. There was just the Nathan and Wade sitting shoulder to on the couch, eating pizza, drinking beer barely worth the name, and watching whatever was on television. For Nathan, it was a balm, an island of peaceful mundanity where nothing was required of him but his company. He didn't even need to talk if he didn't want to. Wade happily did enough talking for two men, content to expound at length on whatever thought dropped into his head. "I really have missed you."

Wade tapped his socked foot against Nathan's, "You wouldn't have to miss me if you took me with you."

"You know why I don't."

"I could help," Wade said pointedly.

"You are helping," Nathan said quietly, pressing their shoulders more tightly together as he caught hold of Wade's hand to give it a squeeze.

"I can be even more help if I was actually with you instead of stuck here all the time."

"If you come with me, how are we going to find out way back here?" 

Wade made a face, "I not all that attached to here."

Nathan sighed, "Once we're unmoored, we might never be able to return. I'm also not sure if removing you will destabilize this whole timeline." 

"Pretty sure I'm not that important to the timestream," Wade rolled his eyes.

"I wouldn't be so sure about that," Nathan frowned at him, "There aren't a lot of you, but all your realities are very stable. When you're not there, they aren't."

"Correlation is not causation."

"I don't want to try to prove the theory with _you_ ," he said firmly. He hesitated and then finally added, "And there's something that you're going to do sometime in the nearish future that I want you to still do."

Wade straightened up, dragging Nathan's hand into his lap, holding it in both hands. He tipped his head to the side. 

"If you don't do it, I think I might not be the same afterward," if Nathan thought about it too hard, it troubled him. Those events had happened to him and they had shaped him ... he thought for the better in the long run since it had helped him recognize the value of _here_ , but if those events never came to pass, would they damage him?

"That's ... " Wade leaned in with a smile, pressing their foreheads together as they breathed, "surprisingly selfish and self preserving of you. Want a blow job?"

The sudden offer made Nathan choke, "What?"

"If I reward you for not throwing yourself on the altar of self sacrifice, then maybe you'll think twice about doing it next time."

Nathan growled low in this throat as Wade grinned and slid a hand down his chest and right down his pants, or would have if Nathan hadn't grabbed his wrist and then had to grab the other as Wade went for the money shot. 

Nathan yelped, "Hey! Boyfriend!" Just because his thoroughly traitorous member was interested in Wade's offer did not mean he was going to act on it. 

Wade grinned wickedly, before looking down and licking his lips. Nathan's dick twitched. "He'll understand that I'm doing this to save a life."

"Pretty sure he's not going to understand!" 

Wade ignored his captured wrists as unnecessary to the proceedings, diving toward his laps. Sensing danger, Nathan went sideways off the couch, dragging Wade with him. Wade face planted against his stomach, but only took that as an opportunity to grab his shirt with his teeth and pull. Nathan twisted to break his hold and they rolled, bumping into the coffee table and knocking it over.

"I'll make him understand by just _not telling him_ ," Wade continued cheerfully, laser focused on getting Nathan undressed while Nathan was doing everything in his power to keep Wade's octopus hands locked down as they grappled on the floor. "That's how cheating like this goes, Nate."

"It's not cheat -- hey! -- ing if you break up!" Nathan finally just kneed Wade in the balls to get some breathing room.

"Nate! Are you calling off our ball kicking truce now?" Wade squeaked, annoyed as he shook off the blow. Nathan's knee was just not as effective as bullets. 

"Stop and I won't have to!" Nathan shot back, as they rolled back into the couch. Nathan promptly flipped it over onto Wade with a thought. Wade turned to the side, taking the blow on his flank and shoulder as he braced his feet flat on the floor and shoved upwards, body checking the couch into the wall. Nathan grabbed the couch in mid-air, flipping it long ways so the arm side was facing them and used it as a battering ram to knock Wade off of him.

Or that's what would have happened if Wade hadn't dropped flat on top of Nathan and rolled with him. The couch bounced off of Nathan's automatic shielding, flipped end over end and landed on top of the TV, obliterating it in a shower of plastic. Nathan felt a little sheepish. "Whoops."

"Nooooooooooooooo!" Wade dramatically howled as he twisted to look at the disaster that was his entertainment system. He flopped back on the floor, clutching his head, "Nathan Christopher Charles Askani'son Achoo and Gesundheit Summers! My name is Wade Wilson! You killed my television! Prepare to die!"

"I'll buy you a new one," Nathan huffed, sitting up, relaxing as their fight was effectively ended. He leaned back, resettling his weight to pin Wade's pelvis down, knees spreading to take some of the stress off his hips. He was in excellent shape and knew it ... but then he'd get into some ridiculous fight with Wade and discover muscles that he didn't know he had .

"I need a new couch too," Wade said pointedly, folding his arms over his chest and glaring at Nathan.

"The couch is -- " The couch gave a great creaking groan as is broke in half. "Fine. I'll get you a new couch too."

"Then I forgive you," Wade threw his folded arms up and tucked them under his head, grinning at Nathan.

"However would I have survived without it?" Nathan said dryly, rolling his eyes, but he smiled back, content to so easily satisfy his friend.

Wade wiggled suggestively, dropping his hands onto Nathan's hips, "I'm not giving up that blow job, you know. Slide on up here."

"I don't want a blow job," Nathan grunted crankily, having the brace with telekinesis as Wade nearly physically lifted him up. He often forgot about Wade's enhanced strength, overshadowed as it was by his healing and the fact that a lot of mutants had a greater magnitude of strength enhancement.

"Tell that to a man who's not at eye level with your fight boner," Wade happily licked his lips, "he might believe you, but I definitely don't. So come to papa!"

"Do I need to give _you_ a shovel talk?" Nathan asked archly.

Wade stopped trying to drag him forward, dragging his eyes away from Nathan's crotch to gasp dramatically, "Gasp! Me? I'm a perfect boyfriend who doesn't need no shovel talk!"

"You're a shameless hussy offering to blow a man."

"The sex pollen made me do it." 

"Is _that_ what you're going to tell Spider-Man?" 

"Tell me what?" Spider-Man asked from the window sill, thankfully providing Nathan with a much needed escape route. He looked around the room, radiating concern. "What happened here?"

When in doubt, just use the truth, "Wade tried to give me a blow job."

"I try to _save your life_ and this is the thanks I get?" Wade gasp, slapping his own forehead with the palm of his hand, "Excuse you! Bros before hos! How can you rat me out like this?!"

"My sperm were doing fine without your life saving techniques," Nathan says with total blandness, beginning to enjoy just rolling with the outrageous truth.

"They were dying without air!" The wonderful and also horrific thing about Wade was how easy it was to lead him into a conversational ditch as long as Wade felt it was an entertaining trip. Thinking about the consequences usually came later.

"That doesn't mean you need to give them mouth to tail resuscitation!"

Nathan could feel the total disbelief that began to radiate off of Spider-Man the more ridiculous the conversation became.

Spider-Man pointed at the door, "Oh my god. Get out."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 9 was born out of my unwillingness to let go of the blow job fragment that I scribbled onto Chapter 7. So this was functionally expanded Chapter 7, but since it was from Nathan's POV, which wouldn't happen until Chapter 11 ... I found myself in the telepathy explanation trap. So I finally had to let Chapter 9 go ... but not before I revamped it twice.


	6. An Unused Sword

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 9 revised, from Nathan's POV.

There was nothing special about that moment. There was just Nathan and Wade sitting shoulder to on the couch, eating pizza, drinking beer barely worth the name, and watching whatever was on television. For Nathan, it was a balm, an island of peaceful mundanity where nothing was required of him but his company. He didn't even need to talk if he didn't want to. Wade happily did enough talking for two men, content to expound at length on whatever thought dropped into his head. 

"I really have missed you."

Wade tapped his socked foot against Nathan's, "You wouldn't have to miss me if you took me with you."

"You know why I don't."

"I could help," Wade said pointedly.

"You are helping," Nathan said quietly, pressing their shoulders more tightly together as he caught hold of Wade's hand to give it a squeeze.

"I can be even more help if I was actually with you instead of stuck here all the time."

"If you come with me, how are we going to find our way back here?" 

"I not all that attached to here."

Nathan squinted at him thoughtfully, "Your boyfriend is here."

"So? Your dad is here and you ditch him all the time. We'll just come back when we left. They won't even notice we were gone." 

Nathan sighed, "Once we're unmoored, we might never be able to return. I'm also not sure if removing you will destabilize this whole timeline." 

"Pretty sure I'm not that important to the time stream," Wade rolled his eyes.

"I wouldn't be so sure about that," Nathan frowned at him, "There aren't a lot of you, but all your realities are very stable. When you're not there, they aren't."

"Correlation is not causation."

"I don't want to try to prove the theory with _you_ ," he said firmly. He hesitated and then finally added, "And there's something that you're going to do sometime in the nearish future that I want you to still do."

Wade straightened up, dragging Nathan's hand into his lap, holding it in both hands. He tipped his head to the side. 

"If you don't do it, I think I might not be the same afterward," if Nathan thought about it too hard, it troubled him. Those events had happened to him and they had shaped him ... he thought for the better in the long run since it had helped him recognize the value of _here_ , but if those events never came to pass, would they damage him?

"That's ... " Wade leaned in with a smile, pressing their foreheads together. His voice went soft and breathless, "surprisingly selfish and self preserving of you. Want a blow job?"

All of Nathan's thoughts slammed to a screeching halt as he choked, "What?"

"If I reward you for not throwing yourself on the altar of self sacrifice, then maybe you'll think twice about doing it next time," Wade's eyes were bright with self-satisfaction, pleased like he had found the key to a frustrating puzzle.

He was not a puzzle that could be unlocked with a blowjob! Nathan growled low in this throat as Wade grinned and slid a hand down his chest and right down to his pants, or would have if Nathan hadn't grabbed his wrist and then had to grab the other as Wade went for the money shot. 

Nathan yelped, "Hey! Boyfriend!" It didn't matter what his own thoroughly traitorous body thought about the offer, he couldn't let _Wade's_ poor impulse control ruin his relationship. Wade would feel guilty about it later, but then it would be too late to take it back.

Wade grinned wickedly, before looking down and licking his lips. Nathan's dick twitched. "He'll understand that I'm doing this to save a life."

"Pretty sure he's not going to understand!" 

Wade ignored his captured wrists as unnecessary to the proceedings, diving toward his lap. Sensing danger, Nathan went sideways off the couch, dragging Wade with him. Wade face planted against his stomach, but only took that as an opportunity to grab his shirt with his teeth and pull. Nathan twisted to break his hold and they rolled, bumping into the coffee table and knocking it over.

"I'll make him understand by just _not telling him_ ," Wade continued cheerfully, laser focused on getting Nathan undressed while Nathan was doing everything in his power to keep Wade's octopus hands locked down as they grappled on the floor. "That's how cheating like this goes, Nate."

"It's not cheat -- hey! -- ing if you break up!" Nathan finally just kneed Wade in the balls to get some breathing room.

"Nate! Are you calling off our ball kicking truce now?" Wade squeaked, annoyed as he shook off the blow. Nathan's knee was just not as effective as bullets. 

"Stop and I won't have to!" Nathan shot back, as they rolled back into the couch. Nathan promptly flipped it over onto Wade with a thought. Wade turned to the side, taking the blow on his flank and shoulder as he braced his feet flat on the floor and shoved upwards, body checking the couch into the wall. Nathan grabbed the couch in mid-air, flipping it long ways so the arm side was facing them and used it as a battering ram to knock Wade off of him.

Or that's what would have happened if Wade hadn't dropped flat on top of Nathan and rolled with him. The couch bounced off of Nathan's automatic shielding, flipped end over end and landed on top of the TV, obliterating it in a shower of plastic. Nathan felt a little sheepish. "Whoops."

"What? You couldn't just shield the TV too? Develop some spacial awareness! Think about the poor innocents that are lying in the path of your destructive blows!"

Nathan flinched and Wade stopped his tirade abruptly, frowning at him. Wade reached up, cupping Nate's face in his hands "Nate ... "

Nathan closed his eyes, taking a deep breath, and when he opened them again he was no longer seeing all his failures, he was only seeing Wade. "Next time, let's spar on the roof instead of wrecking your place."

Wade let him go, pale eyes clouded with worry. Then he grinned and flopped back on the floor, clutching his head dramatically. "Nathan Christopher Charles Askani'son Achoo and Gesundheit Summers! My name is Wade Wilson! You killed my television! Prepare to die!"

"I'll buy you a new one," Nathan huffed, sitting up, relaxing as their fight was effectively ended. He leaned back, resettling his weight to pin Wade's pelvis down, knees spreading to take some of the stress off his hips. He was in excellent shape and knew it ... but then he'd get into some ridiculous fight with Wade and discover muscles that he didn't know he had .

"I need a new couch too," Wade said pointedly, folding his arms over his chest and glaring at Nathan.

"The couch is -- " The couch gave a great creaking groan as it broke in half. " -- fine. I'll get you a new couch too."

"Then I forgive you," Wade threw his folded arms up and tucked them under his head, grinning at Nathan.

"However would I have survived without it?" Nathan said dryly, rolling his eyes, but he smiled back, content to so easily satisfy his friend.

Wade wiggled suggestively, dropping his hands onto Nathan's hips, "I'm not giving up on that blow job, you know. Slide on up here."

"I don't want a blow job," Nathan grunted crankily, having the brace with telekinesis as Wade nearly physically lifted him up. He often forgot about Wade's enhanced strength, overshadowed as it was by his healing and the fact that a lot of mutants had a greater magnitude of strength enhancement.

He didn't want a blow job, he wanted Wade to _break up_ with Spider-Man. Except he couldn't say that because then Wade might decide to be contrary for the sake of contrariness and marry Spider-Man instead just to prove he didn't do what Nathan told him to. Trying to work around Wade was a constant challenge. Nathan would enjoy is more if it wasn't about everything he wanted and he couldn't afford to fail.

"Tell that to a man who's not at eye level with your fight boner," Wade happily licked his lips.

"Do I need to give _you_ a shovel talk?" Nathan asked archly.

Wade stopped trying to move him, dragging his eyes away from Nathan's crotch to gasp dramatically, "Gasp! Me? I'm a perfect boyfriend who doesn't need no shovel talk!"

"You're a shameless hussy offering to blow a man."

"The sex pollen made me do it." 

"Is _that_ what you're going to tell Spider-Man?" 

"I'm not going to _tell_ him, Nate, c'mon."

"I hope you don't expect me to keep it a secret," Nathan arched an eyebrow, folding his arms in front of his chest.

"I find your lack of support disturbing," Wade sniffed, glaring back, "Why do you always have to be the no fun police? Do you ever get tired of being a goody two shoes?"

Nathan pursed his lips hard together to contain the laugh that wanted to escape him, "Are you not getting laid enough? Has the Spider well dried up? Do I need to get you a new couch for a different reason than its destruction?"

Wade huffed in indignation and then sighed, "Eh, I just figured I'd give him a _reason_ not to trust me."

That gave Nathan pause. Wade had all sorts of impulses that he acted on before thinking. Nathan had just thought the blow job was another of those spur of the moment impulses, one that Nathan couldn't let him act on as long as he still wanted to stay with Spider-Man. "Is this about the secret identity thi -- "

"No," he said emphatically, "Look, if I wanted to know, then I bet Weasel could find him, no prob. But I don't _want_ to know. This information is too heavy, Nate. Once I know it, I gotta keep it a secret and man, that's just too much responsibility."

Nathan hmmed thoughtfully. "Then why?"

"He doesn't trust me not to poison him."

Nathan opened his mouth to ask what he was even talking about, only to close it the next moment at the memory of Peter dumping hot cocoa down the sink, of Peter quitting the field the moment Wade asked him to stay for dinner. "Oh," he said, sudden and quiet. 

He had noticed that and then set it aside for bigger concerns, like the one where Peter had been keeping their relationship a dirty little secret that no one knew, like he was _ashamed_ of it. Well, Nathan would drag him out into the light and then they would see if their relationship survived in the harsh light of day. "Wade ... "

"You don't trust me with plenty of stuff, yanno?" Wade whispered, "but at least you don't think that when I make dinner, that I'd hurt you with it."

"He doesn't know what he's missing," Nathan said simply, leaning down to touch their foreheads together, cupping Wade's cheek with the palm of his hand, "and it just means more for me."

"Even more spider legs? Wade snickered as Nathan's entire body shuddered at the memory.

"I'd rather starve," Nathan said sincerely. Wade laughed and hugged him.

Wade leaned back, smiling happily at Nate and said abruptly, "If you don't want to take me time skipping and you don't want a blowjob, wanna go take over X-Force?"

Wade really was feeling restless if he was plotting against Wolverine. He usually ignored the other man unless he was right in front of him and then he promptly picked a fight. "Logan is in charge of X-Force right now."

"Nate," Wade said very seriously, "That's what hostile takeovers are for."

Nate snorted in amusement, "We're not going to take over X-Force just because you're bored."

"Aww, c'mon, Logan is a terrible CO and I've been benched _forever_."

"Oh? How come?"

Wade shrugged, "Just because I got his kid to shank him and shot him the leg after he stabbed me and threw Betsy out of a window and ran the team around on a wild goose chase and instigated a gang war so I could steal something and then Bob got mad at me and he never gets mad at me and I didn't even get what I wanted out of it and it just sucks, Nate, it _sucks_. I mean, all I did was betray them a little. Logan takes everything so _personally_." Wade slid sideways so he could lay his head on Nate's shoulder and flutter his non-existent eyelashes at him. "Can you believe it, Nate?"

Nate laughed, "Only a _little_ betrayal?"

"Just the teensiest bit," Wade pinched his fingers together to indicate just how small the betrayal way, "The important thing is that I _won_ and that means I should be in charge of X-Force."

Nathan snorted, "If we're doing this, _I'm_ in charge."

"I wouldn't have it any other way." Wade grinned happily, a hound eagerly straining at the leash, "C'mon, let's go round up the posse and destabilize a made up country."

"I don't think your boyfriend would approve."

"Approve of what?" Spider-Man asked from the window sill. He looked around the wrecked living room, radiating concern. "What happened here?"

When in doubt, just tell the truth, "Wade tried to give me a blow job."

"I try to _save your life_ and this is the thanks I get?" Wade gasp, slapping his own forehead with the palm of his hand, "Excuse you! Bros before hos! How can you rat me out like this?!"

"My sperm were doing fine without your life saving techniques," Nate said with total blandness, beginning to enjoy rolling with the outrageous truth as he pinched his fingers together to indicate just how small this betrayal of Wade really was. 

"They were dying without air!" Wade shot back. The wonderful and also horrific thing about Wade was how easy it was to lead him into a conversational ditch as long as Wade felt it was an entertaining trip. He usually only thought about the consequences later.

"That doesn't mean you need to give them mouth to tail resuscitation!" 

Spidey's shoulders heaved, like he was caught between laughing or crying. "Oh my god. Get out."

Nathan happily took the escape route offered to him and got out, grinning at Wade the whole time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I grew unsatisfied with Chapter 9, I decided to revise it ... but then couldn't decide who's POV it should be in. If it was Nathan's POV, I had the telepathy trap.


	7. An Unused Sword

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 9 revised, from Wade's POV.

There was nothing special about that moment. There was just Nathan and Wade sitting shoulder to on the couch, eating pizza, drinking beer barely worth the name, and watching whatever was on television. For Nathan, it was a balm, an island of peaceful mundanity where nothing was required of him but his company. He didn't even need to talk if he didn't want to. Wade happily did enough talking for two men, content to expound at length on whatever thought dropped into his head. 

"I really have missed you."

Wade tapped his socked foot against Nathan's, "You wouldn't have to miss me if you took me with you."

"You know why I don't."

"I could help," Wade said pointedly.

"You are helping," Nathan said quietly, pressing their shoulders more tightly together as he caught hold of Wade's hand to give it a squeeze. Wade squeezed back.

"I can be even more help if I was actually with you instead of stuck here all the time."

"If you come with me, how are we going to find our way back here?" 

"I not all that attached to here."

Nathan squinted at him thoughtfully, "Your boyfriend is here."

"So? Your dad is here and you ditch him all the time." It was sweet of Nate to think of Spidey. Wade didn't see what Spidey had to do with anything. It's not like he could team up with Spidey since Spidey didn't want anyone to ask _why_ they were teamed up. Wink wink nudge nudge. "We'll just come back when we left. They won't even notice we were gone." 

Nathan sighed, "Once we're unmoored, we might never be able to return. I'm also not sure if removing you will destabilize this whole timeline." 

"Pretty sure I'm not that important to the time stream," Wade rolled his eyes. Nate worried a lot over nothing. 

"I wouldn't be so sure about that," Nathan frowned at him, "There aren't a lot of you, but all your realities are very stable. When you're not there, they aren't."

"Correlation is not causation." Wade had helped kill off all those other Wades entirely on purpose. That was _war_ and Wade _won_ his wars, no matter what it took. Red should have known what he was dealing with when he picked a fight with himself. 

"I don't want to try to prove the theory with _you_ ," Nate said firmly. He hesitated and then finally added, "And there's something that you're going to do sometime in the nearish future that I want you to still do."

All of a sudden this was becoming a serious discussion. Wade straightened up, dragging Nathan's hand into his lap, holding it in both hands. He tipped his head to the side. 

"If you don't do it, I think I might not be the same afterward." Nate was so solemn and worried and _vulnerable_. The little squinched up lines between his eyes made Wade feel soft and stupid and _needed_.

"That's ... " Wade leaned in with a smile, pressing their foreheads together. He felt breathless and giddy and pleased all at once, "surprisingly selfish and self preserving of you. Want a blow job?"

Nathan's eyes went wide as he choked, "What?"

"If I reward you for not throwing yourself on the altar of self sacrifice, then maybe you'll think twice about doing it next time," Wade said quite reasonably, he thought.

Nathan growled low in this throat as Wade grinned and slid a hand down his chest and right down to his pants, or would have if Nathan hadn't grabbed his wrist and then had to grab the other as Wade went for the money shot. 

Nathan yelped, "Hey! Boyfriend!" 

Wade grinned wickedly, before looking down and licking his lips. He thought he saw something twitch and felt quite proud to have caused it. "He'll understand that I'm doing this to save a life."

"Pretty sure he's not going to understand!" 

Wade ignored his captured wrists as unnecessary to the proceedings, diving toward his lap. Nate was some kind of telepath because he went sideways off the couch to escape, dragging Wade with him. Wade face planted against his stomach, but only took that as an opportunity to grab his shirt with his teeth and pull. Nathan twisted to break his hold and they rolled, bumping into the coffee table and knocking it over.

"I'll make him understand by just _not telling him_ ," Wade continued cheerfully, laser focused on getting Nathan undressed while Nathan was doing everything in his power to keep Wade's octopus hands locked down as they grappled on the floor. "That's how cheating like this goes, Nate."

"It's not cheat -- hey! -- ing if you break up!" Nathan kneed Wade in the balls to get some breathing room.

"Nate! Are you calling off our ball kicking truce now?" Wade squeaked, annoyed as he shook off the blow. That smarted!

"Stop and I won't have to!" Nathan shot back, as they rolled back into the couch. Nathan promptly flipped it over onto Wade with a thought. Wade turned to the side, taking the blow on his flank and shoulder as he braced his feet flat on the floor and shoved upwards, body checking the couch into the wall. Nathan grabbed the couch in mid-air, flipping it long ways so the arm side was facing them and used it as a battering ram to knock Wade off of him.

Or that's what would have happened if Wade hadn't dropped flat on top of Nathan and rolled with him. The couch bounced off of Nathan's automatic shielding, flipped end over end and landed on top of the TV, obliterating it in a shower of plastic. Nathan immediately looked sheepish. "Whoops."

"What? You couldn't just shield the TV too? Develop some spacial awareness! Think about the poor innocents that are lying in the path of your destructive blows!"

Nathan flinched and Wade stopped his tirade abruptly, frowning at him. The weight pressed him down, bowing his head, bending his shoulders and Wade hated it. There were ghosts in his vision, faded overlapping accusers, and they were all in his apartment, fixing Nate in their hungry crosshairs. He reached up, cupping Nate's face in his hands to block his friend's vision of those ghosts. Wade couldn't unsee them, but Nate didn't need to. "Nate ... "

Nate closed his eyes, taking a deep breath, and when he opened them again his shields were back up, a wall that hid the hurt that Wade had accidentally hit. The ghosts faded. "Next time, let's spar on the roof instead of wrecking your place."

Wade let him go, accepting his retreat in the moment even if he wouldn't accept it forever. Some wounds had to be lanced before they could heal clean. He grinned and flopped back on the floor, clutching his head dramatically, "Nathan Christopher Charles Askani'son Achoo and Gesundheit Summers! My name is Wade Wilson! You killed my television! Prepare to die!"

"I'll buy you a new one," Nathan huffed, sitting up, relaxing as their fight was effectively ended. 

"I need a new couch too," Wade said pointedly, folding his arms over his chest and glaring at Nathan.

"The couch is -- " The couch gave a great creaking groan as it broke in half. " -- fine. I'll get you a new couch too."

"Then I forgive you," Wade threw his folded arms up and tucked them under his head, grinning at Nathan.

"However would I have survived without it?" Nathan said dryly, rolling his eyes, but he smiled back, content to so easily satisfy his friend.

Wade wiggled suggestively, dropping his hands onto Nathan's hips, "I'm not giving up on that blow job, you know. Slide on up here."

"I don't want a blow job," Nathan grunted like a cranky old man, using telekinesis to keep Wade from lifting him up. He wasn't that heavy, which is how Wade knew he was cheating like a gigantic cheater. 

"Tell that to a man who's not at eye level with your fight boner," Wade happily licked his lips. 

"Do I need to give _you_ a shovel talk?" Nathan asked archly.

Wade stopped trying to move him, dragging his eyes away from Nathan's crotch to gasp dramatically, "Gasp! Me? I'm a perfect boyfriend who doesn't need no shovel talk!"

"You're a shameless hussy offering to blow a man."

"The sex pollen made me do it." 

"Is _that_ what you're going to tell Spider-Man?" 

"I'm not going to _tell_ him, Nate, c'mon."

"I hope you don't expect me to keep it a secret," Nathan arched an eyebrow, folding his arms in front of his chest.

"I find your lack of support disturbing," Wade sniffed, glaring back, "Why do you always have to be the no fun police? Do you ever get tired of being a goody two shoes?"

Nathan pursed his lips hard together to contain the laugh that wanted to escape him, "Are you not getting laid enough? Has the Spider well dried up? Do I need to get you a new couch for a different reason than its destruction?"

Wade huffed in indignation. Nate had been cockblocking him for weeks. He didn't get to tease Wade about it _now_. "Eh, I just figured I'd give him a _reason_ not to trust me." Two birds, one stone.

The tense, wary line of Nate's shoulders eased, making Wade feel a little bad about suggesting the blow job. "Is this about the secret identity thi -- "

"No," he said emphatically, "Look, if I wanted to know, then I bet Weasel could find him, no prob. But I don't _want_ to know. This information is too heavy, Nate. Once I know it, I gotta keep it a secret and man, that's just too much responsibility."

Nathan hmmed thoughtfully. "Then why?"

"He doesn't trust me not to poison him." It was depressing. There were a lot of reasons not to trust him and Wade didn't even mind most of them because he wasn't very trustworthy ... but this one _hurt_.

Nathan opened his mouth and then shut it again, his sharp mind already jumping to the right conclusion without Wade having to spell it out. Wade appreciated that. "Oh," he said, sudden and quiet, "Wade ... "

"You don't trust me with plenty of stuff, yanno?" Wade whispered, "but at least you don't think that when I make dinner, that I'd hurt you with it."

"He doesn't know what he's missing," Nathan said simply, leaning down to touch their foreheads together, cupping Wade's cheek with the palm of his hand, "and it just means more for me."

"Even more spider legs? Wade snickered as Nathan's entire body shuddered at the memory.

"I'd rather starve," Nathan said sincerely. Wade laughed and hugged him. Those spider legs were _awful_ and Nate had been a damn trooper when he ate them.

Wade leaned back, smiling happily at Nate and changed the subject to happier things, like saving puppies and the world, "If you don't wanna to go time skipping and you don't wanna blow job, wanna go take over X-Force?"

The frown lines between Nates's eyebrows smoothed out, "Logan is in charge of X-Force right now."

"Nate," Wade said very seriously, "That's what hostile takeovers are for."

Nate snorted in amusement, "We're not going to take over X-Force just because you're bored."

"Aww, c'mon, Logan is a terrible CO and I've been benched _forever_."

"Oh? How come?"

Wade shrugged, "Just because I got his kid to shank him and shot him the leg after he stabbed me and threw Betsy out of a window and ran the team around on a wild goose chase and instigated a gang war so I could steal something and then Bob got mad at me and he never gets mad at me and I didn't even get what I wanted out of it and it just sucks, Nate, it _sucks_. I mean, all I did was betray them a little. Logan takes everything so _personally_." Wade slid sideways so he could lay his head on Nate's shoulder and flutter his non-existent eyelashes at him. "Can you believe it, Nate?"

Nate laughed, "Only a _little_ betrayal?"

"Just the teensiest bit," Wade pinched his fingers together to indicate just how small the betrayal way, "The important thing is that I _won_ and that means I should be in charge of X-Force."

Nathan snorted, "If we're doing this, _I'm_ in charge."

Wade grinned, "C'mon, let's go round up the posse and destabilize a made up country."

"I don't think your boyfriend would approve."

"Approve of what?" Spider-Man asked from the window sill. He looked around the room, radiating concern. "What happened here?"

"Wade tried to give me a blow job," Nate delivered with perfect timing.

"I try to _save your life_ and this is the thanks I get?" Wade gasp, slapping his own forehead with the palm of his hand, "Excuse you! Bros before hos! How can you rat me out like this?!"

"My sperm were doing fine without your life saving techniques," Nate said with total blandness, pinching his fingers together to indicate just how small this betrayal of Wade really was. What cheek! What nerve!

"They were dying without air!" Wade shot back. There was no way he was going to lose now! Never retreat, never surrender! 

"That doesn't mean you need to give them mouth to tail resuscitation!" Nate was such a prim, sanctimonious asshole.

Spidey's shoulders heaved, like he was caught between laughing or crying. "Oh my god. Get out."

Nathan happily took the escape route offered to him and got out, grinning at Wade the whole time. That was just fucking cheating!

* * *

"Did you _see_ that?" Wade said in outrage, pointing after Nathan.

Peter covered his masked face with a hand and consulted the heavens for patience. 

He didn'e believe for one minute than any blow job had occurred. The place was wrecked, so it was obvious that they had a fight, but they were both fully clothed and no one acted like they had been caught doing something they shouldn't be doing. Nathan was just trying to needle him. _Again_. Wade meanwhile, seemed to think that blow job jokes were hilarious, which surprised Peter not at all. 

"I saw," he said finally, deciding the use the opportunity presented to him for something fun instead of "I also see that your mouth isn't busy enough."

Wade instantly perked up, "Blow job?"

"Since you're giving them out like party favors ... "

"Oh, baby, I'll give you all kinds of favors."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Of course, the problem with Wade's POV is that it makes him ...well, Wade. 
> 
> The "Red" Wade refers to is the Wade of the _Deadpool Kills_ trilogy, whose little boxes are red.


	8. Escalation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nathan will do _anything_ to win.

Logan swiped the water from the corner of his eyes as his chortles died down, "That one takes the cake."

"It just, I guess I realized that the shovel talks just are never going to end," Peter took a long, mournful swig, "They'll just keep coming until Nathan gets bored."

Logan gave him a look so full of sympathy that Peter sagged in his seat. "He's not going to get bored, is he?"

Logan shook his head, "Nah, he's just gonna escalate."

Peter couldn't imagine what Nathan Summers could escalate into but he wasn't keen to find out.

"Nathan Summers is a bad enemy to have. He's manipulative and self-righteous and he cheats," Logan said with no little degree of sympathy. 

"I've played Mario Kart with him," Peter said ruefully, "It was the worst."

Logan sniggered, "Wade's a good match for him because he's _worse_. That boy is manipulative and vengeful and just plain mean. He _will_ hunt ya to the ends of the earth. He'd wait 800 years if it meant he could get back at Nathan for whatever shit Nathan pulls and Nathan _knows_ it."

"That's extreme."

Logan shrugged, "Wade's extreme."

...  
...  
...

"He's just upped his game. Wanna see?"

Logan gestured for a beer and grunted, "Sure."

Peter fished his phone out of his pocket, tapped a few icons and flipped it around, thrusting it at Logan's face so he could see the latest outrage. An outrage beyond _knowing his phone number_. It was now perfectly clear to him how various people who should not have known his number had acquired it. Nathan had given it to them.

The selfie Nathan sent him was shameless. He was sprawled out in silky red and black bedding that Peter was intimately familiar with, naked as the day he was born. He leaned back against the pillows, his flesh hand behind his head, displaying every muscle in his chest to best advantage, while his metal one curled over his the junction between thigh and stomach. A push of his fingers and the sheets would slide low enough for the money shot. The worst part, outside of Nathan's smug come hither smile, was that he looked good enough to eat. The man was attractive and he _knew it_.

"Hmmm," The way Logan's eyebrows danced was almost enough to brighten Peter's day. "This is escalatin' quickly?"

"See! See! Now he's just taunting me!"

"Ya sure he ain't propositioning you?"

Peter whipped the phone and squinted at it, horrified all over again. "Oh my god, is that his plan? Seduce me and then tell Wade I cheated on him?"

"Wait 'till the dick pic," Logan advised sagely, "before ya take him up on his offer."

"I'm not sleeping with him! Do I look stupid? He'll shank me!"

...  
...  
...

Peter tapped a few icons on his phone and flipped it around, thrusting it at Wade's face so he could see the latest outrage. An outrage beyond _knowing his phone number_. It was now perfectly clear to him how various people who should not have known his number had acquired it. Nathan had given it to them.

The selfie Nathan sent him was shameless. He was sprawled out in silky red and black bedding that Peter was intimately familiar with, naked as the day he was born. He leaned back against the pillows, his flesh hand behind his head, displaying every muscle in his chest to best advantage, while his metal one curled over his the junction between thigh and stomach. A push of his fingers and the sheets would slide low enough for the money shot. The worst part, outside of Nathan's smug come hither smile, was that he looked good enough to eat. The man was attractive and he _knew it_.

Wade blinked, taking it in, his lips quirking up in a strange, pleased little smile. He looked up and the smile stretched into one of his open grins, a mask that Peter never knew was a mask, for how effortlessly he used it. He used exaggerated expressions, projected his emotional responses with his whole body ... and now watching him _choose_ to respond rather than react in the moment, Peter wondered how often it was an act, a manipulation. Logan was right, wasn't he? That Wade and Nathan were friends because they were the same.

... and Wade was _pleased_ that Nathan was doing this. He was _pleased_ that his friend was playing nasty little games. _Pleased_ and _amused_ and with no intention of stopping it because he _liked_ it.

"I see he's abandoned all pretense at subtlety."

"Would you have blown him?" Peter asked abruptly.

Wade's smile faded into something smaller as he tilted his head, squinting his eyes at Peter, "Yeah. I would have."

Peter breathed sharply through his nose at the spike of hurt.

"Nate's selfish impulses have to nurtured," Wade smiled, a twisting curl that Peter could not interpret, "I do like to encourage Nate to do what _I_ want him to do rather than whatever self sacrificing crap he comes up with on his own." 

_Twisted like an old branch, he is._ The memory of a woman telling Peter just how _broken_ his lover was and how he hadn't believed her, because no one else could know Wade as well as him ... but he'd never known Wade at all.

"I can't believe you."

"And I can't believe you," Wade said playfully, "here you are, my boyfriend, exchanging nudes with my best friend. How dare you betray me so?"

Peter kinda wanted to kill him. It did look like that from the outside, didn't it? All he needed was a dick pic and the premise would be set. It wasn't _obvious_ that it was a taunt because who would know that those were _Wade_ 's sheets unless you had slept in Wade's bed?

Wade started prodding at his phone, "You don't accept nudes from _me_ ," he smirked, "I mean, I don't even _have_ your number. Forward this one to me."

"No way in hell!" Peter snapped, yanking it back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This wasn't even going to be the worst of it! 
> 
> I was half ready to write a a spideypool ending snippet where Nate dates Aunt May just so he can mess with Peter _even more_. Meanwhile, Wade was going to think that Nate was awesome for finding this hot babe and they could now even be actually related one day and Peter thinks OMG NO.


	9. Fragments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Snippets from deleted Chapter 9 and actual Chapter 10.

**Deleted Chapter 9**

Wade made a face, "I not all that attached to here."

Nathan frowned, squinting at him thoughtfully, "Your boyfriend is here."

"So? Your dad and X-Force are here and you ditch them all the time."

"Their lives are here. Your life is here. Mine isn't."

"Nate," Wade straightened, twisting on the couch so he could focus on his friend and the feeling that he was slipping through his fingers like smoke. "I have no life here. I'm just passing time. You have friends and family, reach out."

...  
...  
...

"What did you steal?"

Wade looked anywhere except Nate. The ceiling was suddenly fascinating. "Nothing important. It didn't work and then I had to lay low to keep Bob out of trouble, no big, and that's how I ended up bumping into Spidey. Now I'm laying low because Spidey doesn't want anyone to figure out that we're a team up that's also teamed up wink wink nudge nudge."

Nate flicked him lightly between the eyes with his metal finger and when Wade huffed in annoyance, he pressed his thumb to the spot he had flicked and stroked. Wade's eyelids fluttered shut in pleasure, enjoying the smooth sparking feeling that came from the press of the technovirus against his skin. "What did you steal, Wade?" the rumble was low and inexorable.

"It didn't work."

"... and you wouldn't say that unless it would upset me." Nate said, catching Wade's chin in his hand and lifting it, forcing their eyes to meet.

Wade stuck his tongue out at him. "I'm still here for you to visit me."

Nate's eyes widened as his grip tightened, sharp enough for Wade to feel it in his bones. He shivered, letting his eyelids droop as he smirked. C'mon Nate, just _hurt_ me. I'll be so, so good if you just -- "Bright mother, Wade." He let go and slumped against the couch, tired. He ran a hand down his face and the weight that pushed him down suddenly seemed to crush the whole earth, including Wade. 

He immediately regretted it, regretted poking and prodding at Nate, wanting to fight and claw and just do something instead of being bored all the fucking time. He opened his mouth and just let words fall out, anything to make Nate stop looking like that, "Now I don't get to do _anything_ except work. Domino would take my side. I bet she can't wait to get out of hormonal hothouse central." 

...  
...  
...

Wade slouched lower on the sofa and moodily kicked the pizza box off the table. "So? It's not like we _do_ anything."

"I thought you two patrolled ... ?" Nathan's question trailed off as Wade gave him an incredulous look.

"If folks saw Spidey and me teaming up they might start wondering why." Wade smirked, a dark, self-depreciating twist of lips. "Can't have that, can we? He wants it to be a secret~"

...  
...  
...

"That TV lovingly and accurately rendered the face of Bea Arthur! How dare you shower it with such disrespect!"

...  
...  
...

"I want you to break up with Spider-Man."

Wade stopped trying to drag him forward, dragging his eyes away from Nathan's crotch to stare at him in disbelief, "Sphincter says what?"

"Abandon, ditch, throw over, disconnect from, shut him out of your life. Break up with him," Nathan enunciated the last sentence slowly.

**Chapter 10**

The past was _loud_. Millions of unshielded minds, loudly broadcasting their thoughts to whoever had the smallest ability to hear them, completely focused on their own troubles, on their own joys and fears, their triumphs and sorrows, their pleasures and pains, and never once suspecting that they could be heard.

The future had learned caution. There were simply less people, their numbers reduced by brutal culling and the devastation that followed. The psi arts were a common mutation that had long been used for war and despotic oppression. Stryfe was not the first telepath who delighted in cruelty and he would not be the last. The cities and settlements of the future had walls to keep out armies, artillery to mow down invaders, and psionic shielding several layers thick to baffle those were gifted.

For Nathan, raised in a world designed to protect itself from his powers, the past was both frustrating and wonderful. Frustrating because every other telepath Nathan had met here simply didn't understand _subtlety_. They were hammers that viewed everyone else as nails. They and the baseline population remained almost entirely ignorant of the trouble they could cause. Wonderful because no one, absolutely no one, could keep Nathan out of anything. The past was fucking defenseless. 

Except for Wade.

Wade's telepathy, if it could even be recognized as telepathy when it didn't speak or feel or reach out to others at all ... It didn't turn inward, it did not reach out. It was water, flowing along the lowest path, pooling into lakes, stagnating in the lowlands, dispersing across marshlands ... and like water, once disturbed, it was an ocean of waves and whirlpools that tore apart boats, a storm, a hurricane that pouring down water and wind and destroyed all before it, a river flooded with rain and rapids that can cut through stone, and lake that burst through a dam and washed everything in its path away.

Standing next to Wade was like standing inside the strongest fortress on earth and being able to look right through it's walls to the outside. The mansion, with shields upon shields, with metal and stone and technology all designed to do the exact same thing ... and yet failing. There was no worse place to be if one wanted mental protection, than in that school, with dozens of budding telepaths, each less trained than the one before, a hundred hormonal teenagers, and surrounded by the population of one of the largest cities on earth. 

...  
...  
...

Nathan woke sluggishly. The hand on his throat slid away, stroking over his shoulder and then back up to ruffle his hair. 

"Go back to sleep," the soft rasp of Wade's voice made his heavy eyelids flutter shut again. 

Fingers cupped his cheek and he sighed quietly. "I'm awake now."

"Are you?" Wade asked with such deceptive mildness that Nathan tensed despite himself, the note of something darker sharpening his focus. 

"Awake enough for this discussion," he said warily, shifting to rise.

Wade put a hand on his shoulder and pushed him back down. Nathan tested the push and then subsided, unable to make Wade move without telekinesis. Wade gentled his grip, but it remained, an iron bar pinning him in place.

"Good," Wade said calmly, so very very calmly that the hairs on the back of Nathan's neck lifted. "I've decided that I can't leave you alone. Dom was right, wasn't she? About how you just go off and get into trouble." 

"That is not true," Nathan replied, in what he felt was a very reasonable tone, "I've lived my entire life without your supervision."

"Recent events would suggest otherwise." The hand that pinned him down slid along his shoulder and up his neck, wrapping around his throat. "You'll stay with me or Neena now, where we can keep our eyes on you."

"Wade, that's not really necessary. I can't travel with you."

"Hope's dead, Nate," Wade said evenly as his thumb stroked across the hollow of Nathan's throat. Nathan shivered, looking up into the white of Wade's eyes and seeing only cold calculation. "The fabric of time is fragile. Leave it alone."

Nathan had never met the Wade as he was before the Workshop. He did not know the man, a baseline human who had been the equal of enhanced super-powered mercenaries. A man who had felt no need of enhancement until he had been dying of cancer. The man who had been lost to torture, who had been broken and shattered ... but Nathan did not believe that. That was a sleeping serpent only, subsumed by a brain riddled with tumors and regeneration, distracted by hallucinations and madness. He had seen his shadow once or twice, the visceral reminder that even damaged, Wade was still that man. The methodical and creative predator, the born killer.


	10. The Ends Will Justify the Means

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wade has a serious discussion with Peter about what Nathan will do to _win_.

"Have you ever thought about what you're up against?" Wade asked him abruptly.

Peter blinked, but his mouth did the talking while his brain turned the question over, "Yeah, I'm dealing with a fucking asshole!"

"True," Wade laughed, but his laughter faded into a twisted little smile that Peter could not interpret, "but Nate is also a telepath ... a _powerful_ telepath."

"So what? I can still punch him in his damn face."

"And if he doesn't let you?" Wade asked the ceiling.

Peter frowned, "How could he stop -- oh, c'mon! He wouldn't do that!"

"Wouldn't he?"

"He's part of the X-Men!"

"He's _allied_ to the X-Men," Wade clarified and raised an eyebrow sardonically, "And it's not like they have _never_ had people of dubious repute join their team ever. I mean, I don't know how I ever stopped trusting Magneto or the White Queen. They couldn't possibly do anything bad. Perish the thought."

"That's ... Cable's not a _villain_."

"Oh, Nate's a big damn hero," Wade shrugged, "who shot a teammate in the back and crippled him for life so his mind raping nemesis couldn't win. That wasn't even a battle, that was a minor skirmish."

Peter gaped at him.

"That's what happens when you raise children in wars that care nothing for Geneva conventions," Wade said easily, as if it didn't bother him, "Nate'll do anything to win. The ends will justify the means. So what makes you think he won't do _whatever it takes_ to make you go away?"

"How can you be so blasé about this?!"

"How do you know I'm not already his meat puppet?" Wade grinned, wiggling his eyebrows.

Peter's skin crawled, "That is not ... you're not, are you?"

"Eh, I'm immune to telepathy," Wade said with a shrug, "but you're not. Is this a fight you _really_ want to have with Nate?"

"I'm not just going to _go away_."

Wade looked at him very seriously, "Even if I told you you should?"

"Wade ... I'm not going to leave you alone with a guy who will mind rape anyone who sleeps with you."

"That's sweet, but stupid," Wade sighed, "I can handle Nate. It's not like he can hide from me. I can see him watching me out of other people's eyes, yanno. Your's sometimes too."

Peter grabbed his face on reflex, covering his eyes, "How ... no way!"

"Or maybe that's just me and my hallucinations talking," Wade acknowledged, "but I wouldn't bet on it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is canon that Nathan has shot a team member in the back (and crippled him for life) just to prevent Stryfe from getting a trinket in what is ultimately not a very important skirmish.
> 
> He has also fought with Wade in a tit for tat spat that didn't end until minds had been violated and murder suicide nearly occurred. Neither Wade nor Nate tolerate losing or backing down. They will win by any means necessary. It's part of why neither of them can actually be considered _heroic_.
> 
> Peter, meanwhile, is actually heroic and very reasonably horrified by the things that Wade and Nate have done and will do.


	11. Fragmentation Grenade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The many possible endings of Chapter 10.

Nathan woke up with a groan, better for his cat nap despite still feeling like he had been dragged over ten miles of bad road. Draped over Wade's shoulders as Wade carried him piggy back down the stairs. At least he wasn't a fireman's carry. Nathan tightened his limp arms around Wade's shoulders and shoved his face into the crook of Wade's neck.

"You're a little too big to be doing that," Wade said cheerfully as he kicked the door to his apartment open and went inside.

Nathan grunted, "I need a shower." He felt stiff from kneeling and tacky with drying sweat. The passing thought of hot water and steam was incredibly enticing.

"In my bathroom?" Wade snorted loudly, "Do you want to spontaneously catch every disease ever conceived of by bacterial kind? I can't be killed, yanno, but you're much more fragile and delicate and old man like and I bet you'd catch pneumonia and die from the first drop of water to descend from that faucet."

As nice as it was that Wade was admitting to the nightmare that was his bathroom, Nathan still thought it sounded like a mecca of cleanliness right now. "I stink."

"Whatever. I know you've slept in a bed smelling worse. _I've_ slept in _this_ bed smelling worse. I've smelled _you_ smelling worse." 

Wade turned around and dropped Nathan on the bed by the simple method of leaning back and letting go of him. Nathan fell, but he dragged Wade down with him when he simply didn't _let go_. "It's just a show -- "

"Fuck you and fuck your showers," Wade snapped and flopped over onto his side, pulling Nathan with him by the force of his superior strength.

"Irene's not the one in bed with me right now," Nathan said pointedly.

"Except you were totally casting out your lures when you _knew_ I was gunning for her," Wade ignored the part about the bed, folding his arms in front of him, "She was hardly going to give me the time of day while you were swanning around naked right in front of her, you cockblocking backstabber." 

"Well, if she was that shallow she didn't deserve you anyway," Nathan said, downright philosophical ... and smug. Satisfied that Wade wasn't likely to get up now, he let go and slid his arm around Wade's waist instead, hooking his chin over his shoulder.

"No, she just had standards! Standards are important!" Wade huffed, "I keep telling Spidey that, but he just doesn't understand."

Nathan's mood promptly fell as he tightened his grip possessively, throwing his leg over Wade's. That, that _homewrecker_. " _That_ is because his standards start and end with 'can I keep you a secret?'" It was convenient for Spider-Man to have a powered boyfriend who would never infringe on his actual life. Whether he liked it or not, Nathan was dragging this relationship out where everyone could see it and then they'd see if it survived the harsh light of day.

"Are you going to walk around naked in front of him too?" Wade asked sharply, stabbing a finger into Nathan's chest.

Nathan squinted at him and then smiled innocently. That was an excellent idea.

Wade pounded his shoulder with a fist, "Why are you always like this? Are you trying to team up with me or something?" Wade sighed, closing his eyes, and when he opened them again they were clear and sharp, "Forget about Spidey. Let's talk about Hope."

Nathan swallowed and closed his eyes, "I'd rather talk about Spider-Man."

"Why? If we're going back to rescue her, we'll ruin this timeline anyway," Wade said with grim firmness.

Nathan's eyes snapped open and he glared at Wade, "Absolutely not!"

"Why not?"

"I've already tried that!" 

"And it obviously wasn't enough!" Wade shouted back.

"You have a boyfriend!"

"I don't _care_ about my fucking boyfriend if our girl is dead!"

Nathan's eyes went wide in surprise, "Wade ... "

"Do you think I'd just ... _accept_ her being dead."

Nathan's shoulders slumped, "No, of course not. I've already tried. It's fixed. Nothing you and I do ever seems to change it." 

Wade gripped Nathan's shoulders, "Then let's try again. We'll go further back. It doesn't matter if she's not ours as long as she's alive."

Nathan leaned forward and pressed his forehead to Wade's, his whole spirit aching, "We can't."

"It's not like you to just give up and accept defeat," Wade frowned, cupping Nathan's face in his hands and stroking his thumbs over Nathan's cheekbones. 

"I'm not. I didn't," Nathan whispered, "I already tried so many times. Too many times. I'm afraid that if I jump again I'll tear the timestream open and that'll kill her anyway."

"Her and everyone else," Wade said grimly, looping an arm around Nathan's neck and pulling him down against his chest. 

"Yeah."

"You can be really fucking stupid sometimes, Nate, you know that?" Wade sighed, hugging him.

Nathan laughed because otherwise he might cry, "I know." 

"Why do I love you?"

"My good looks and charm?" Nathan tried as he clung to Wade, wrapping his arms around his friend and holding on tight.

"Mmm, at least," Wade agreed quietly as he grabbed the blanket and pulled it over them, "I can't leave you alone for a single minute."

...  
...  
...

Whether Spider-Man liked it or not, Nathan was dragging this relationship out where everyone could see it and then they'd see if it survived the harsh light of day.

"Are you going to walk around naked in front of him too?" Wade asked sharply, stabbing a finger into Nathan's chest.

Nathan squinted at him and then smiled innocently. That was an excellent idea.

Wade pounded his shoulder with a fist, "Why are you always like this? What the hell, Nate!?"

"They don't love you."

Wade gaped at him before his mouth snapped shut and he just glared, "People generally _don't_ love me, Nate."

"Well they should," Nate huffed, aggrieved. Wade was contrary and difficult and obnoxious, but he was also loyal and clever and thoughtful and above all else he was very lovable.

"If I waited around for _love_ , I would _never_ get laid." Wade shoved his palm into Nathan's face, "I wouldn't even get the attention of Mrs. Palm and her five unshapely daughters! My dick might as well just fall off! Am I painting a word picture for you here?!"

Nathan grunted with a face full of hand and did the only thing reasonable people could possibly do. He licked the palm, making Wade jerk back in surprise. 

"Love is for children," Wade snapped, infuriated, "for fairytales and happily ever after! It isn't for people who look like they were set on fire and then rolled in radioactive chemicals to put it out and then burst into flame again."

"You don't look like that," Nathan rolled his eyes at Wade's constant exaggeration of his terrible looks. He knew that Wade hated it, but Nathan thought he was fascinating. He always wanted to touch him, to feel Wade change beneath his fingertips, like standing in the surf and feeling the sand being pulled away beneath his bare feet with the tide.

Wade hissed like a teakettle, "What do I look like then?!"

Nathan smirked and leaned in, pressing their foreheads together as he stared into Wade's furious, unhappy eyes. "Handsome."

He had the distinct pleasure of watching surprise and happiness chase those darker emotions from Wade's eyes. The pale flickers of fleeting joy were sadly replaced far too easily by confusion and doubt. One day, Wade would believe him, but it looked like it wouldn't be today.

"You're blind!" Wade declared, covering Nathan's face with both hands and pushing him back. There was nothing to do by lick all this skin that was on offer. Wade immediately jerked them back to huff at him, confused and exasperated, "Quit it! You're making my hands all slimy with your Nate cooties."

Nathan snickered, throwing his arm over Wade's shoulders and pulling him close again, smiling against his forehead, "I can see just fine. With all my eyes."

"Telepaths!" Wade huffed against his chest, annoyed.

"Your mind is beautiful, too," Nathan agreed, content.

Wade subsided into muttered insults against Nathan's intelligence, personal ability and hygiene, family history, and educational background. It was almost enough to lull Nathan back to sleep, the soft insistent scratch of Wade's voice and the heat from regeneration warm skin that encouraged Nathan to wriggle closer and wrap himself around the person shaped hot water bottle.

A finger stabbed into his chest, "We are not done."

...  
...  
...

Nathan's mood promptly fell as he tightened his grip possessively, throwing his leg over Wade's. That, that _homewrecker_. It was convenient for Spider-Man to have a powered boyfriend who would never infringe on his actual life. Whether he liked it or not, Nathan was dragging this relationship out where everyone could see it and then they'd see if it survived the harsh light of day.

"Spidey really bugs you, huh?"

"Maybe you meet his standards," Nathan whispered against the shell of Wade's ear. Just because he was afraid that it might be true didn't mean that his friend didn't deserve to hear it. 

"If I _did_ , I wouldn't be his dirty little secret," Wade said so baldly that Nathan felt surprised.

"Wade ... " 

Wade twisted in his grip to look him in the eye, "And you wouldn't be trying to fix that."

Nathan eyed him warily. "That's not what -- " 

"It can't be fixed. You can't fix it because you can't _make_ him love me."

"He should," Nathan muttered.

"He doesn't."

Nathan thought this was what he wanted to hear, but instead it _hurt_. He knew that Peter was using Wade even if he told himself otherwise. Peter was not a bad person. He wasn't _malicious_. He wasn't seeking to make Wade a weapon. He wasn't deliberately hurting Wade. He was allowed to seek warmth and comfort from other people. Not every relationship was about love. It was only that Nathan knew that Wade _wanted_ love. That he craved connections with other people. It hurt him to hear Wade accept that it would simply _not happen_.

...  
...  
...

Whether he liked it or not, Nathan was dragging him into the daylight and then they'd see if the relationship survived the harsh light of day.

"Spidey really bothers you, huh?"

Nathan grunted rather than respond, glowering at nothing. He didn't want to open that can of worms.

"Does it bother you as much as your naked showers bothered me?"

"If I said yes, would you dump him?"

"You didn't stop," Wade pointed out far too reasonably.

"Then no," Nathan muttered grumpily.

"You're not going to be home for long anyway," Wade continued, sharper than he meant to, "Why should I ruin this for nothing?"

"What if I stay home?"

Wade rolled his eyes, "You always find something you have to do that's in some other time and then I can't come with you ... and you never come back at the same time you left and I'm ... I _hate_ it."

Nathan looked up, surprised, "Wade."

"Look, it doesn't matter, okay? Go be a big damn hero. I'll just be fucking one."

...  
...  
...

Whether he liked it or not, Nathan was dragging this relationship out where everyone could see it and then they'd see if it survived the harsh light of day.

Wade looked over his shoulder at Nathan, "What is your problem with Spidey?"

Nathan glowered at nothing, "He doesn't love you."

"Most people don't, Nate," Wade shrugged his shoulders like that small detail didn't mean everything to him. He wriggled more purposefully in Nathan's grip, forcing his arms open so could slip free. Wade turned around and threw his arm around Nathan's shoulders.

"Well, they should," Nathan huffed, upset on Wade's behalf.

"You don't," Wade said in a voice that was probably meant to be casual, but came off cold instead. A chilly sharpness that broke whatever veneer he had been trying to achieve.

Nathan blinked at him, surprised. Did he -- ?

Wade looked away and promptly started babbling, "I don't belong to Spider-Man. I'm one of _your_ villains. Or don't you remember all the times I've tried to kill you?"

Their friendship had only ever gotten stronger and steadier with time, but they had never made significant overtures to each other for more. Mutual caution, perhaps, an unwillingness to destroy what was being built with such care. 

"I'm broadly aligned with the X-Men because all of my connections are X-Men. That's how I ended up with Fox," Wade continued unabated, "They managed to make me into my own series, but only because there is an unfulfilled market for my brand of anti-heroing, and none of that changes the fact that my story starts with you."

"Wade," Nathan said quietly, but firmly, reached back to grip Wade's hip in a broad hand, "Your story starts with _you_."

Wade paused, taking a breath in startlement, and Nathan took the opportunity to seal their lips together in a kiss. "But I'd like it to end _with me_."

"Nate -- "

Nathan kissed him again to shut him up, "You're mine and I'm not sharing you."

...  
...  
...

"I don't belong to Spider-Man," Wade said, yawning against the back of his neck like he actually needed sleep and wasn't just keeping Nathan company while Nathan slept, "I'm one of _your_ villains. Or don't you remember all the times I've tried to kill you?"

"I'm broadly aligned with the X-Men because all of my connections are X-Men. That's how I ended up with Fox," Wade continued lazily, "They managed to make me into my own series, but only because there is an unfulfilled market for my brand of anti-heroing, and none of that changes the fact that my story starts with you."

"Wade," Nathan said quietly, but firmly, reached back to grip Wade's hip in a broad hand, "Your story starts with _you_."

"It's cute how you think that," Wade snickered, patting his hand, "Go to sleep, little spoon."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This section just would not figure out where it wanted to go! Death was an eleventh hour addition and it solved this whole problem by just replacing it. :D


	12. Endings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fragments of Chapter 11.

"Why the candle?" Peter asked, instead of the accusations that wanted to burst out of him.

"Death accepts the honor and respect of candles. She'll let the light in so Hope will know we still love her." 

...  
...  
...

"Maybe I should be mad at Nate," Wade said, "but I know he would have died in her place ... and I can't accept that either." He shrugged. "So this will have to serve."

Peter had never known that Wade believed in _anything_ or had any spiritual thoughts at all. He had always thought he was, well, an atheist. 

...  
...  
...

Peter pressed his hands to his head and clutched his hair through his mask, "Those kids are in trouble!"

"So was Hope," Wade shot back, "I should know. I wrecked a Sentinel and got eaten by Roberta's uglier little brother."

"They give those kids back," Peter said tartly.

"When have you _ever_ seen them give them back?" Wade shot right back, "All I've ever seen them do is die."

...  
...  
...

"You'll always pick Nathan," Peter sighed, disgusted with them and upset with himself for ... for all of this, he supposed. For falling in with Wade when he probably should have known better than to get involved with Deadpool. Wade had been his little secret because Peter had enjoyed the thrill of secrecy and because he hadn't wanted to hear his friends tell him it was a bad idea to date an assassin ... but Peter was realizing that while they would have been right to warn him off Deadpool, it wouldn't be because of the real reason: That Deadpool had no compunctions about getting laid while the love of his life was out of town on business. Peter was no better than a girl that a married man picked up at a bar while away from home and he mattered about as much.

...  
...  
...

"Forever's a long time, Spidey," Wade said flatly, "I never want to think about it because you will all be dead and I'll just be _stuck here_." 

Peter sucked in a sharp breath at the wealth of pain suddenly on display, the broken anticipation of future loss. He closed his eyes against it, against a hurt he could do nothing to resolve and remembered belatedly that Logan had told him this. That healing from _death_ meant out living everyone you know and that Wade deliberately lived in the moment to escape the constant reminder. 

"I can't fix that," Peter said quietly.

"I know," Wade said just as quietly after a long moment, breathing through his nose, "It's not your problem to fix." 

...  
...  
...

Wade stared at him blankly for a single silent moment and then that mean smile came back in a flash, "Why should I? You're just the rest stop being gigs."

"You didn't care about me at all, did you?" Peter hadn't meant it to sound so mournful.

"You're nice enough and it was a good time," Wade said with deceptive mildness, which was a cruelty all on its own, "but did you think I was so _stupid_ as to fall in love with someone who only has one use for me and despises everything else that I am?"

...  
...  
...

"And so what if he does? What's it to do with you? Are you going to save me from being more than a bedwarmer?"

...  
...  
...

"How much of that did you hear?" Wade asked, annoyed.

"Most of it," Nathan replied vaguely instead of with the truthful 'all of it'. He had been awake since Wade's spirit had returned to his body. Death was natural, but Wade forcing himself back into his own broken shell was so fundamentally jarring that the world crisped around him. 

"I bet you're happy."

...  
...  
...

"Except now I'm not getting _laid_." Wade said waspishly.

"Is that a hint?" Nathan asked with a smile, rubbing his thumb against the inside of Wade's wrist.

"What hint?!" Wade sniffed, "Your orgasm-less face has ruined all my orgasms, so fuck you."

...  
...  
...

"You are _not_ sleeping."

Nathan innocently opened his eyes, blinking them slowly and sleepily, "I was." He unburied himself just enough to reach for Wade, who obligingly climbed into bed with him without Nathan needing to resort to telekinesis to get him there.

"Let's just remember that I'm the guy who _shot you in the back_ in a sewer in Rumekistan." 

"That was a stun gun," Nathan wrinkled his nose at the memory of having to burn those clothes. He smiled against Wade's throat, tugging Wade closer, "but it did stink."

"Don't act like that was a good memory," Wade said, annoyed, "What part of _shot you in the back_ don't you remember."

"I threw you out of the country," Nathan mumbled, "we're even."

"We are not even!" Wade huffed.

Nathan if anything, wriggled closer, "Good."

Wade jerked upright, "I just broke up with _Spider-Man_."

"You did," Nathan said cheerfully. There was nothing that could dim this particular victory for him, not even Wade's post break-up regret.

"Oh my Primus, what was I _thinking_?" Wade flopped back down and buried his face in Nathan's stomach, pounding a fist against his thigh as he wailed in despair, "All my orgasms just _swung out of my life_!"

"There, there," Nathan rubbed his shoulder with a smile.

Wade lifted his face to glare at him, "Your orgasm-less face has ruined all my orgasms."

Nathan snorted and then burst into laughter.

"It's not funny, Nate! This is serious!"


	13. Comfort Foods

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Peter's breakup, he and Aunt May talk.

"I'm home!" Peter called out to let Aunt May know it was him as he stepped inside the house, shutting the door behind him and locking it before toeing his shoes off in the entry way and slipping into the house slippers that she had left for his visits.

"I'm in the kitchen," Aunt May called back.

It smelled like baking in the house, a warm sugary spice smell that lifted Peter's spirits. He stepped into the kitchen to kiss his aunt on the cheek and then dropped into a chair at the dining room table to keep out of her way. She smiled at him and he smiled back, happy that she was happy.

"What are you making?"

"Pumpkin pie."

That was his favorite. "You shouldn't have, Aunt May," Peter protested faintly, "I know you don't like it."

"Don't be silly," Aunt May said, smiling kindly as she set the pie on the counter to cool, "I don't have to like it to make it." She put her oven mitts aside and turned off the oven. "I thought you might need a little cheering up after your breakup."

"How do you know about that?" Peter squeaked.

"Harry and Mary Jane called me," Aunt May said airily. She took two mugs down from the cabinet and poured coffee into them. "Don't be too upset with them, dear, they were worried about you."

Peter groaned, leaning forward in silent despair at hiding matters of the heart from Aunt May when all of his friends had her phone number.

Aunt May set the cups on the table, nudging one gently forward for Peter as she sat down across from him with her own cup. 

Sighing, Peter pulled the cup closer to him, inhaling the steam and feeling revitalized just from the strength of one whiff of a cup of May's Famous Coffee. "I'm not mad ... just disappointed, I guess."

"Me too."

Peter looked up in surprise. 

May smiled at him sadly, "You didn't tell me you were dating anyone."

"I didn't not want to tell, I just ... "

May reached across the table and covered Peter's hand with one of her own, "I know I'm old and old fashioned, Peter, but I never thought I would make you afraid of telling me you were dating a man."

"That's not -- !" Peter started and then stopped, deflating, "That wasn't the reason I didn't say anything."

May didn't push him, she just quietly waited for him to elaborate. The silence dragged on until Peter couldn't take it anymore.

"I was ... it was a secret."

"Why?" was the quiet response.

"Because ... " Peter didn't even know anymore. Everyone had found out anyway and it hadn't ended up the way Peter had thought it would. He thought all those other supers would judge him for his taste in bed partners, that they would ask him what he saw in Wade when even Peter wasn't sure what he saw in Wade besides a good time in bed, that they would ask him the hard questions he had been avoiding about Wade's lack of ethics or morals, his willingness to sell himself to the highest bidder ... and yet not a single one of them had cared about any of that. All they had cared about was giving him the shovel talk. They had only cared about Wade, but not in the way that Peter had thought they would care. " ... I think I was ashamed."

"Of dating a man? Or this particular man?"

Peter shook his head helplessly, "This man."

"That doesn't seem like you, Peter," May said gently, "Was he not a good person?"

"That's not -- " his automatic defense died in his throat. Wade _wasn't_ a good person. He was better than the gory rumors made him out to be, but he was still a shameless killer and the kind of man who hopped from bed to bed without much care for the wreckage he might leave behind. "No," he finally said, firmly, "He wasn't a _good_ person ... but I knew that when I started dating him."

Peter thought he might burst into tears from the warm empathy that filled May's eyes as she squeezed his hands gently, "Did he try to change you?"

Peter shook his head, "No, not really. He ... he thought I was naive, but he didn't try to make me change. I tried to change him, but he just ignored me."

"Oh, Peter," May got out of her seat and moved around the table to sit next to him, putting her arm around her shoulders, "It's alright. Everyone makes that mistake. I made it with your Uncle Ben, you know."

Surprised, Peter looked up even as he leaned against May.

May nodded ruefully, "I thought: it doesn't matter if he has some rough edges because I'll just polish them all off. Well, let me tell you, Peter ... he never stopped eating crackers in bed no matter what I said and he never stopped being bad with money."

"Really?"

May nodded firmly, "Really."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When there were two versions of this story, there were going to be two different scenes with Aunt May. This is the cablepool version, where she supports Peter after his breakup. 
> 
> The other unwritten one is the spideypool version, they were going to stay together and eventually Wade would meet Aunt May. Then Aunt May would have given Peter a shovel talk (because Nate got to her first) for the LOL.


	14. The +1 in 5+1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter shows up to give Nate the shovel talk.

His spider sense screamed a warning and Peter automatically jerked on his line, yanking his body to the side in the air. The blade sliced through the space he had just been in, a shape in red and black catching the corner of his sight. The shape twisted, an arm sweeping out and the sword sliced through his line, dropping Peter into free fall. His spider sense was almost deafening as he fell. The figure rolled in the air, a foot finding his shoulder and using him to spring board away. The kick off pushed them apart, letting Peter cast a line at the same time he finally took in his opponent. Deadpool swung the machine gun in his other hand up, lining Peter up perfectly in his sights. Their eyes widened as they recognized each other. 

That moment of recognition was not enough to stop Deadpool from pulling the trigger, a motion he had already been completing before he realized who he was attacking. Peter thought, _Oh, shit_ , and knew he would not be able to get out of the way. Not when they were this close. Neither of them were quick enough to dodge bullets at close range.

The gunfire was deafening alongside his spider sense and then he was yanked away, jerked abruptly from the air as the bullets impacted on nothing and hung in the sky, suspended before they fell. Deadpool tumbled out of the air just as abruptly, hanging suspended with Peter for just a second before they all dropped abruptly to the rooftop as Nathan stumbled and fell to his knees, clutching his head.

Peter hit the ground with a graceless thump and just let himself lay there and breathe for a moment, feeling nothing but blind relief for Nathan's reaction time, for the speed of thought itself.

"What the fuck?! That is not an imposter!" Wade found his voice first.

When he opened his eyes again, Wade was offering him a hand up. He took it gladly, letting himself be pulled upright. Wade yanked him up into a tight hug, clutching him close and shaking. "Fuck me, Spidey, you alright?"

In the moment, he didn't bear Wade any ill will. Not when he could feel how he was shaking from reaction, from the relief of not having killed him. Peter hugged him back just as tightly, appreciating the human contact, "I'm alive. What happened?"

"Nate SOSed me," Wade said shortly, not letting go, "I thought you were one of your stupid clones or something."

Nathan crouched on the ground, breathing heavily through his mouth as blood dropped from his nose. He looked like he was about to be violently ill. "He surprised me."

"Unicron fucking Primus," Wade swore, "Tilt your head back, you're bleeding."

Nathan touched the back of his hand to his nose as though he was surprised to find blood there.

"What's wrong with him?" Peter frowned, concerned now that their shakes were subsiding. That didn't look healthy.

"Blowback." Wade shrugged, easing his grip after rubbing a hand over the top of Peter's head in lieu of ruffling his hair. He let go to put his hands on his hips at he looked at Nathan and sighed. "He froze _me_ in place instead of my suit." He strode over to Nathan and crouched to help him up. He pushed Nathan's head back with a palm to his forehead before he pinched the top of his nose closed to stem the blood flow. "I'm impervious to telepathy. Nathan uses telekinesis and telepathy together all the time with people. It's a way of getting depth perception. Except I hit back _hard_."

"Don't just _tell_ him," Nathan muttered.

"It isn't some kind of state secret," Wade pressed a masked kiss to Nathan's cheek, "Now, behave," he said sweetly into Nathan's ear. Wade pushed his cheek lightly away. 

Nathan huffed as Peter looked at them incredulously. Wade waved jauntily at Peter, cheerfully carolling, "Punch him really hard, okay? He deserves it." Wade left without looking back, back flipping off the side of the building and disappearing with a _vop_ of displaced air.

Peter's jaw dropped, "Oh my god, are you the _bottom_?"

"What?" Nathan's eyebrows rose in surprise.

"You _are_!"

"Oh shut up," Nathan grumped, letting go of his nose and swiping an arm across the bottom of it, satisfied that it was no longer bleeding.

"I'm texting everyone I know," Spider-Man said happily.

"Bright mother, why?"

"Because you're a bottom!" Peter cheered, throwing his fists into the air.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the snippet that earned this Omake a place in _The Write and Post Adventures_. 
> 
> Every 5+1 should have a +1, but it was hard to think up a way for Peter to get his revenge. Wade has no shame. Nate has no shame and doesn't share the same social norms that the 21st century does. 
> 
> So I got about this much scribbled and just sort of gave it up. Alas.


End file.
